Celebrating my friends this Ramadan

Recently when my six year old shared her dream with me, awe struck, as she was, so was I. She witnessed a sky full of angels while she, somewhere in the open, stared at them excitedly. She woke up frightened though, as if she had done something wrong seeing the unseen angels. But I was just struck by how her dream was like a dejavu of my one memory that inspires me, moves me, and pushes me forward to this day – to strengthen and rejoice my friends, whose bonds are unbreakable. 

On one laylatul qadr* many years ago, before we were mothers, I remember reading an anecdote with my best friend, Maryam. We were spending the laylatul-qadr together driven by the same will, both of us fervently eager to stay up the whole night, and ready to motivate each other to stay up all night to pray and meditate. 

It was a summary of a saying from the Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). I remember it as follows: When a friend goes out to meet another friend to learn about Allah and to grow closer to Allah, angels cover the sky shading him until he reaches his friend. The angels then protect this friends’ gathering until they both reach their respective homes. I remember trembling with excitement, that night, a strange awe and pride sensing the angels above our heads covering us and shielding us, and praying for us, asking Allah to shower His mercy upon us. I remember trembling, just like my daughter was trembling with excitement and joy today seeing the angels. 

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It wasn’t a very big house or a very big garden but I remember it very well, then I too was a six year old. It was one of the most serene houses I had ever lived in. Serene, beautiful and pure - my nani’s (grandmother’s) house, in a quiet, friendly neighborhood in the middle of the city – my first home and my earliest memory of Ramadan. 

My cousins, earliest best friends, and I would play in the garden, that felt perfectly big then, waiting for the sirens from the nearby mosque at sunset indicating iftar time, just before the call of the muezzin. We would rush in to announce “its time for iftari its time for iftari” – where the azaan from PTV would be blaring on small television sets while the grown-ups were collecting round the iftar table. 

There was a sense of celebration, something we never witnessed in any other month of the year but this – a sense of togetherness in happiness; my friends and I. 

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Back in the day, even when my parents moved into our own house, far away from nani’s house and from my cousins – Ramadan had a way of helping me find my friends. My friend Fareena who was intriguing to say the least with her French passport and thick French accent when she spoke in English, was a newcomer in school. We were elated when we discovered that we went to the same mosque, Sultan masjid, for taraweeh prayers**. We nudged each other, nudged our moms, and rushed to these prayers to stand next to each other in congregations. We tried hard not to chat too much between the prayer breaks, tried hard to look more focused than the other, sometimes failing miserably.

Mills College, Oakland (California)

She was with me in college, not in the same one but in the same country. We were away from family this time, alone at sehri (the morning meal before beginning the fast that begins at the break of dawn) Ramadan brought us together – it had its own way. This was before facetimes and whatsapp calls. We called each others’ landlines, better than any alarm clocks, while we prepared our sehri. Fareena boiled her prepackaged noodles, while I had sandwiches put together to us by the college cafeteria (as compensation for missing our lunch). We made sure we ate together keeping each other awake and motivated to stay strong and eat well in the quiet of the dawn. 

Fareena found a Muslim community to pray taraweeh together with while her spirit motivated me to pray mine in my dorm room alone. I was in a small, liberal arts college, with hardly any Muslims on campus located in an Oakland I didn’t know very well.  My first year in Ramadan, my Afghan friend Zarena and I printed flyers out and stuck them around campus asking if anyone fasting was looking for a buddy to join them with during sunset meals. 

We found a Hispanic friend, an introvert who had recently discovered Islam and a Yemeni friend, petite but fiercely staunch in her faith. Together we made sure we met at iftar in the school cafeteria and shared how long the fast was on campus and how easy or difficult it was to concentrate on lectures. A Mexican worker in the college kitchen would sneak extra pieces of fruits or layers of cheese into our sandwiches (for the next morning sehri) just feeling sorry for us. 

Rosa, Fatima, Zarena and I fought to collect funds from school, the funds Jewish students received easily for their rituals and religious events. We were lucky we were taught the ins and outs of campaigning for funds by an Indian origin, French and Francophone teacher who was Hindu herself. 

Sometimes we tried to find each other for suhur but it was too cold and too dark to venture out of our dorm buildings to join the others. Whenever we did, it was with the motivation to help Rosa, the Hispanic convert, say her prayers. 

My college cafeteria, Founders Hall, that served the best food

These were all friends, sent by my Ramadan, to keep me going and to keep the joy kindled. Friends like Zarena who met me late night in my dorm room to pray Iftar and feed me noodles - my forever Iftar pal in that lonely campus in Ramadan. 

Friends like the petite Yemeni who said little but did much to show her love. One eveningwhen I was so exhausted from the long Ramadan fast and the college schedule I slept at an odd time almost missing the dinner, ie the iftar, at cafeteria. Had I missed it, I would have missed out on any opportunity of getting food on campus, and worse still also of finding suhur for the next morning. I was so deep in my sleep I missed all the calls but an incessant honking outside my dorm room woke me up. 

Fatima in her vintage Mercedes, honking and waiting for me, ready to speed me down the road to the cafeteria. It’s strange because she was not someone who lived on campus and was hardly ever there in the evenings. We giggled, and laughed on the way to the cafeteria, me probably giddy-headed after my deep sleep was abruptly broken and her because of hunger. But Ramadan has its ways!

I graduated and returned to home to Pakistan, to the same Laylatul Qadr friend who pushed me to stay up through the night meditating. When we slowed down or felt sleepy, we put on nasheeds. We then reverted back to a book, to a story, some more dua and to that anecdote that pulled us together. 

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Today, I see the same focus, the same giggles, the same glances and the same return to concentration in my daughters when they unite with their friends each Ramadan for playdates put together with an effort to celebrate this Month of community. This is an age of distraction, much less serene, than my childhood. What remains the same and will remain to do so till the end of time, are true friends, these bonds not tied by blood or kinship, but by unconditional love and mutually felt excitement, inspiration.  

Ramadan play date at a friend's of my children

Every Ramadan before I was a mother, I craved the presence of “friends” who helped me improve myself, think and act positively and spread this positivity around me. Every Ramadan, I found them. With every new Ramadan, I remember each one of my Ramadan friends with a nostalgia unmatched. Our friendship detoxed our souls and rejuvenated our minds. 

Now that I am a mother of three, my nostalgia is coupled with an acute desire and prayer that my children, understand the importance of true friends ("aulia" as I have always understood them to be), of positive friends, of friends who make them better versions of themselves and who unabashedly push each other towards their best. 

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*Night of Glory – falls on any one of the odd nights in the last 10 days of Ramadan. Muslims believe that the Quran was first revealed on this Night and prayers during this Night are rewarded more than any other night. 

**Special night prayers held only in Ramadan. In the mosques these are held in congregation.